In recent months I have made a very conscious effort to see old friends. It involves careful planning as most live hours away. Sometimes we have put dates in the diary months in advance to ensure it actually happens. We are all busy mums with lots of children and in most cases juggling work too. I think I am the only one juggling divorce, work, study and three children. No special award for me possibly I may be deemed mad by some or bonkers.
It has been wonderful to catch-up with my friends that have known me for 30+ years, 20+ years and more recently a meagre 16 years. It is like slipping on your favourite pair of shoes, it just feels good.
I feel very fortunate to have such wonderful girlfriends that I really like, I'm glad the friendships haven't been neglected and that after all these years we can sit for hours and talk openly and on departing talk about getting together soon. I am Godmother to some children of my dearest friends and that also means there is a special connection and reason to ensure the time between visits doesn't lapse too much.
Making time for your friends, does take time, is an investment and one you have to be committed too but it has such a feel good factor. I truly think when all else in your world may feel uncertain or be under stress, make time for a reassuring catch-up with someone who knows you very well. Knows all your faults your idiosyncrasies understands the warped humour, knows your family and just enjoys talking with you.
Guess what?
The consent order is with the Court waiting for its stamp of approval! It was a painful time before being submitted with DH dragging it on at the end. The irony, and this is not lost on me, DH suddenly wants the whole process completed asap. as he has decided to go for a house at auction and he now needs his name off the mortgage soon as! He is leaping about panicking and asking me when the order will be back. For once I am more relaxed..... You can sing for this one .....!
Wednesday, 29 October 2014
Sunday, 12 October 2014
Chores calculator
Radio 4 Women's hour this week discussed the chores calculator, the bit I heard was interesting in parts although did turn into a bit of an anti men discussion. Despite my current situation I am definitely not anti men and indeed have decided I quite like doing chores, or should I say household jobs.
BUT I know this is only if I am appreciated! Or what I do is noticed and I am given thanks...the moment someone takes me for granted or says I am lazy (which I am absolutely not) I feel really peeved and unappreciated. I must say renumeration for work can make me feel valued too! I happily pay my children to do chores/errands around the house. Perhaps I should just make them do them but I recognise to sometimes get something done or help you need to pay.
For me now my problem is the imbalance for what I deem to do for the three boys and what my estranged husband, soon to be x does. It niggles me intensely because for all the reasons I have mentioned above.
On his weekend, he collects the children at 7.30pm on a Friday night. They leave all their uniform here. They return Sunday about the same time, with bags full of clothes, sports gear that need washing. Admittedly I have had 48 hours of a quiet home. An ideal opportunity to catch up on household jobs; striping beds, washing, tidying. I do go out, indulge in a lie in and also enjoy the fact I can cook what suits me and at a time that suits me, so I'm not complaining. But these weekends are alternate and the boys do not see their father for any length of time in-between these weekends. So who does all the paperwork, form filling, name-taping, homework, organising of sport events, liaising with school, sick days, washing, cooking, packed lunches......and the list goes on. Of course I do! Do I get a " thanks, despite our differences I really appreciate you're a wonderful Mother" "I couldn't do my job without you sorting out the boys every day" or "do you have enough money to support the boys needs".
NO - I get the government recommendation child maintenance and accusations that I like a champagne lifestyle and should work longer hours! I do love champagne but right now I can only afford Prosecco, so thanks DH for being such a mean spirited man who thinks alternate weekends is sufficient input and never understands how much the children cost.
So yes I am anti, anti my x husband - DH for these blog purposes but then that's not really a revelation is it?
BUT I know this is only if I am appreciated! Or what I do is noticed and I am given thanks...the moment someone takes me for granted or says I am lazy (which I am absolutely not) I feel really peeved and unappreciated. I must say renumeration for work can make me feel valued too! I happily pay my children to do chores/errands around the house. Perhaps I should just make them do them but I recognise to sometimes get something done or help you need to pay.
For me now my problem is the imbalance for what I deem to do for the three boys and what my estranged husband, soon to be x does. It niggles me intensely because for all the reasons I have mentioned above.
On his weekend, he collects the children at 7.30pm on a Friday night. They leave all their uniform here. They return Sunday about the same time, with bags full of clothes, sports gear that need washing. Admittedly I have had 48 hours of a quiet home. An ideal opportunity to catch up on household jobs; striping beds, washing, tidying. I do go out, indulge in a lie in and also enjoy the fact I can cook what suits me and at a time that suits me, so I'm not complaining. But these weekends are alternate and the boys do not see their father for any length of time in-between these weekends. So who does all the paperwork, form filling, name-taping, homework, organising of sport events, liaising with school, sick days, washing, cooking, packed lunches......and the list goes on. Of course I do! Do I get a " thanks, despite our differences I really appreciate you're a wonderful Mother" "I couldn't do my job without you sorting out the boys every day" or "do you have enough money to support the boys needs".
NO - I get the government recommendation child maintenance and accusations that I like a champagne lifestyle and should work longer hours! I do love champagne but right now I can only afford Prosecco, so thanks DH for being such a mean spirited man who thinks alternate weekends is sufficient input and never understands how much the children cost.
So yes I am anti, anti my x husband - DH for these blog purposes but then that's not really a revelation is it?
Is the finishing line getting closer?
I can truly see it... the finishing line is nearly within my grasp. One large leap and I feel as if I could maybe catch it, the leap required is however slightly bigger than I have the stretch at the moment. I am therefore creeping up quietly, slowly, patiently and then I will grab it and hold it so tightly my knuckles will go white. I will then be so frightened to let go just incase it disappears. I imagine this line is a ribbon, similar to one that is held and stretched at the finish of a race, never has it held such significance to me.
If signifies the end of being controlled, treated with such distaste, hatred and disrespect. The freedom the end of the divorce will give me is not a physical freedom but head space which I haven't had for over a year. A year of solicitors, emails, disagreements, accusations, money battles and negativity that has filled too much of my life and thinking time. Not too mention emotional eating resulting in sugar loading and lethargy, which is not me. I have given in to it as I don't have the strength for a personal battle with myself.
I have been told I should sprinkle the corners of my home with salt and light candles to remove the negative energy within the house after everything is concluded. I am willing to try anything.
If signifies the end of being controlled, treated with such distaste, hatred and disrespect. The freedom the end of the divorce will give me is not a physical freedom but head space which I haven't had for over a year. A year of solicitors, emails, disagreements, accusations, money battles and negativity that has filled too much of my life and thinking time. Not too mention emotional eating resulting in sugar loading and lethargy, which is not me. I have given in to it as I don't have the strength for a personal battle with myself.
I have been told I should sprinkle the corners of my home with salt and light candles to remove the negative energy within the house after everything is concluded. I am willing to try anything.
Monday, 6 October 2014
In the balance
October 6th, the start of another week.
I am aware if you read through my Blog you may think I am a depressant, in need of help. I do remind myself I started the blog to provide me with an emotional outlet, so it's inevitable it may take a rather negative form. However today I feel I need to write about some good things. Little moments that make life sweeter, sometimes bitter sweet.
Last week I visited my mother in Cheshire and we spent a glorious 24 hours together. No children or distractions just us. We chatted away endlessly and it was perfect. I needed the break and the time with my mum and I think she needed a Lucy fix too. I tried to help her with her Facebook account and in the process suggested taking photos of her with no hair, wearing a head scarf and in her new wig. I felt it might be liberating to show the three faces/looks and hash tagged them with StandUptoCancer. They have received a good response and Mum looks great in all three pictures, such a perfect small head that without hair it doesn't seem to matter. I'm not sure my head would look as nice.
On return home my three gorgeous boys had laid the table and bought the ingredients for Supper. That night six of us, boys plus me and two guests, one my brother enjoyed a lively meal altogether with much laughter. My damson syrup also exploded over the kitchen much to everyones amusement. Clearly the syrup had been fermenting so when the Grolsh top on the bottle was released a fountain of rich purple juice decorated the walls! Lesson learnt, keep it in the fridge so the lively bacteria can't be so active!
The weekend has been sport focussed with successes all round. The sporting prowess of the boys is always a joy and their ability to compete and be great sportsman a credit. I'm so proud.
Tonight as I was coaching the swimmers, it was a joy as always. Small things, can make such a difference.
Tomorrow is the real start of my course. Lectures to hear and assignments will be set. I am still apprehensive but really hoping I can cope. I need this to work for me. I need to accomplish something momentous for myself, personal development, confidence and a feel good factor all in one.
The spinning plates are still spinning. Rayburn is still not producing hot water or heating and has been out of action for 6 weeks now! Consent order is apparently agreed, and will be signed this week? I will believe it when it happens. Mortgage all in place but needs signed Consent order to be finalised.
Now lets just briefly mention DH. Who is being an absolute DH. I know hate is a strong word but I do HATE him. He has been so neglectful of any of his parenting duties of late. He had promised to attend a school meeting on Tuesday last week, as I was at college but didn't go. He is now not sure if he wants to pay for J to go on a school trip that he committed to, as he now feels it is too expensive. He has been promising all year to take the boys to SA for Christmas but now says it's too expensive. At the weekends if it is not his weekend with the boys he doesn't answer his phone to the boys. Had promised to take J to a polo training session but now says he can't! And so the list goes on. A real part-time parent who does not see the value in parenting outside of his alternate weekend and providing it suits him. Never replies to emails, confirms any arrangements or reads information properly, he is really difficult to deal with. I hate him! Rant over.
I am aware if you read through my Blog you may think I am a depressant, in need of help. I do remind myself I started the blog to provide me with an emotional outlet, so it's inevitable it may take a rather negative form. However today I feel I need to write about some good things. Little moments that make life sweeter, sometimes bitter sweet.
Last week I visited my mother in Cheshire and we spent a glorious 24 hours together. No children or distractions just us. We chatted away endlessly and it was perfect. I needed the break and the time with my mum and I think she needed a Lucy fix too. I tried to help her with her Facebook account and in the process suggested taking photos of her with no hair, wearing a head scarf and in her new wig. I felt it might be liberating to show the three faces/looks and hash tagged them with StandUptoCancer. They have received a good response and Mum looks great in all three pictures, such a perfect small head that without hair it doesn't seem to matter. I'm not sure my head would look as nice.
On return home my three gorgeous boys had laid the table and bought the ingredients for Supper. That night six of us, boys plus me and two guests, one my brother enjoyed a lively meal altogether with much laughter. My damson syrup also exploded over the kitchen much to everyones amusement. Clearly the syrup had been fermenting so when the Grolsh top on the bottle was released a fountain of rich purple juice decorated the walls! Lesson learnt, keep it in the fridge so the lively bacteria can't be so active!
The weekend has been sport focussed with successes all round. The sporting prowess of the boys is always a joy and their ability to compete and be great sportsman a credit. I'm so proud.
Tonight as I was coaching the swimmers, it was a joy as always. Small things, can make such a difference.
Tomorrow is the real start of my course. Lectures to hear and assignments will be set. I am still apprehensive but really hoping I can cope. I need this to work for me. I need to accomplish something momentous for myself, personal development, confidence and a feel good factor all in one.
The spinning plates are still spinning. Rayburn is still not producing hot water or heating and has been out of action for 6 weeks now! Consent order is apparently agreed, and will be signed this week? I will believe it when it happens. Mortgage all in place but needs signed Consent order to be finalised.
Now lets just briefly mention DH. Who is being an absolute DH. I know hate is a strong word but I do HATE him. He has been so neglectful of any of his parenting duties of late. He had promised to attend a school meeting on Tuesday last week, as I was at college but didn't go. He is now not sure if he wants to pay for J to go on a school trip that he committed to, as he now feels it is too expensive. He has been promising all year to take the boys to SA for Christmas but now says it's too expensive. At the weekends if it is not his weekend with the boys he doesn't answer his phone to the boys. Had promised to take J to a polo training session but now says he can't! And so the list goes on. A real part-time parent who does not see the value in parenting outside of his alternate weekend and providing it suits him. Never replies to emails, confirms any arrangements or reads information properly, he is really difficult to deal with. I hate him! Rant over.
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