Tomorrow is my induction day at college, I am bricking it. Wondering what I am committing myself too, the time, the study, the juggling but hopefully also the euphoria of doing something to better myself gain knowledge and confidence.
Mortgage papers all completed and with the conveyancing services as of tomorrow morning. Draft consent order with DH's solicitor and we are just waiting. Visiting mum on Thursday, the first time I will have seen her since the beginning of her treatment. Really looking forward to spending 24 hours with her, long, long overdue. And my course starts tomorrow, those spinning plates are just about all spinning. Oh yes, the Rayburn should be fixed tomorrow, estimate a mere £460! And tonight as I entered the kitchen I noticed water across the floor.....hoping to bloody goodness the dishwasher hasn't decided to leak now! I replaced the washing machine in August. I am beginning to feel a tad unlucky........it is me she shouts to no one in particular! Why me, why now, give me a break pleeeeaase.
Amongst the gloom a stunning bouquet of flowers adorns my kitchen table, delivered last Wednesday just because.....and the boys are in good form although lazy annoying shits too frequently. Constantly forgetting to do their designated jobs, despite reminders and " in a minute" is always the return call! If certain jobs are not done tomorrow three children may be waking to washing on their heads, wet swimming towels and rubbish from unemptied bins.... This woman means business! Or should I say this student...!
DH is in love and his brain is being ruled by his dick which has culminated in him being very late on two recent occasions involving collection and drop off for the youngest, who is now clearly disillusioned about his dad. A promised holiday with the boys has been postponed, vague unanswered emails, and he is constantly uncommitted about taking the boys to sport engagements and he still thinks he's a good father, beggars belief. Someone recently said of local papers " the problem with local news, is generally not much happens in this town!" I was very quick to comment " I can feel an impending murder coming on" but sense prevails as I don't want to spend my days in small cell without my three children. No other reason!
How long now then.......today is the 29 September and still we wait for the divorce details to be finalised.
Monday, 29 September 2014
Thursday, 18 September 2014
The dilemmas of life
We are now charging towards the end of September, with such speed I can hardly believe it.
The summer came and went in flash. It started very bleakly indeed with the news of my mothers Cancer (always warrants an upper case C ) but as the weeks rolled on we had two wonderful family holidays and I managed to juggle work too. All very satisfying although tricky at times. I can't say working in the summer holidays when you know your children are lazying at home is easy. Firstly, you feel you should be at home, shooing them into the garden to get fresh air before the sofa takes on their body mould, but also you want to be a "good mother". A mother that is available and not at work. This is always an idealistic thought but in reality if you find yourself at home during the holidays you can instantly become very frustrated with your pyjama wearing teenagers, who seem to flop about and eat vast bowls of cereal throughout the day, and never muster the inclination or energy to make a sandwich for themselves! Unless you offer, and then miraculously you find three boys sitting, waiting around the table suddenly able to devour a huge pile of fresh sandwiches, as if they haven't eaten for days. The poor souls.....!
My waist line is thickening too, I'm convinced it's old age. I also know it's too much wine, chocolate, rich food and a general summer malaise towards exercise but I am consciously back on it now! The waist however is not moving as fast as I would like, and suddenly I am finding myself searching through my wardrobe daily for floaty tops, empire line dresses and wishing I owned a corset!
Would you believe it, no divorce either! We have progressed, we are now battling over the wording in the Consent Order. Yes the draft that goes to court, that hopefully gets stamped that allows me to apply for my Decree Absolut. Like Vodka Absolut, bloody absolutely and I will be drinking it in vast quantities that is for sure. If the moment takes me, I might just throw a party, a completely un PC divorced at last, can you believe it party. My X is a shit, and now I can tell everyone party.....or perhaps the quieter option, care to join me for a case of Proseco I can't believe it's all over party.
So the dilemmas of life....
Would you want to know if you had the Cancer gene if given the chance?
Is it a brave or stupid woman, who plans to start studying in two weeks time, with the hope it will better the career opportunities, when her life is still in turmoil?
Do you tell close friends their marriage looks doomed, when they constantly hint at problems and look forlorn?
Do you scowl at people on mobility vehicles and say " my goodness, you're costing the state a fortune you lazy, fat blob. Why not look after yourself better and try to walk a little, it helps!"?
Life is indeed full of questions and dilemmas. I wonder when all my spinning plates have gone will I truly feel like a huge weight has lifted and no longer seek solace in chocolate, cakes and dark chocolate toffees, lets hope so!
The summer came and went in flash. It started very bleakly indeed with the news of my mothers Cancer (always warrants an upper case C ) but as the weeks rolled on we had two wonderful family holidays and I managed to juggle work too. All very satisfying although tricky at times. I can't say working in the summer holidays when you know your children are lazying at home is easy. Firstly, you feel you should be at home, shooing them into the garden to get fresh air before the sofa takes on their body mould, but also you want to be a "good mother". A mother that is available and not at work. This is always an idealistic thought but in reality if you find yourself at home during the holidays you can instantly become very frustrated with your pyjama wearing teenagers, who seem to flop about and eat vast bowls of cereal throughout the day, and never muster the inclination or energy to make a sandwich for themselves! Unless you offer, and then miraculously you find three boys sitting, waiting around the table suddenly able to devour a huge pile of fresh sandwiches, as if they haven't eaten for days. The poor souls.....!My waist line is thickening too, I'm convinced it's old age. I also know it's too much wine, chocolate, rich food and a general summer malaise towards exercise but I am consciously back on it now! The waist however is not moving as fast as I would like, and suddenly I am finding myself searching through my wardrobe daily for floaty tops, empire line dresses and wishing I owned a corset!
Would you believe it, no divorce either! We have progressed, we are now battling over the wording in the Consent Order. Yes the draft that goes to court, that hopefully gets stamped that allows me to apply for my Decree Absolut. Like Vodka Absolut, bloody absolutely and I will be drinking it in vast quantities that is for sure. If the moment takes me, I might just throw a party, a completely un PC divorced at last, can you believe it party. My X is a shit, and now I can tell everyone party.....or perhaps the quieter option, care to join me for a case of Proseco I can't believe it's all over party.
So the dilemmas of life....
Would you want to know if you had the Cancer gene if given the chance?
Is it a brave or stupid woman, who plans to start studying in two weeks time, with the hope it will better the career opportunities, when her life is still in turmoil?
Do you tell close friends their marriage looks doomed, when they constantly hint at problems and look forlorn?
Do you scowl at people on mobility vehicles and say " my goodness, you're costing the state a fortune you lazy, fat blob. Why not look after yourself better and try to walk a little, it helps!"?
Life is indeed full of questions and dilemmas. I wonder when all my spinning plates have gone will I truly feel like a huge weight has lifted and no longer seek solace in chocolate, cakes and dark chocolate toffees, lets hope so!
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