It keeps you awake at night, makes you wonder how you can do it, and is a constant reminder of the fragility of life and the balance, when money is a concern.
What if your job leaves you feeling cold, the responsibility of making enough to support yourself and your family constantly niggles at you and the heaviness you carry masts all the fun you want to have?
If you constantly feel like you lunge from one stress to another and with each moment the over-riding worry that makes you question everything, and ask yourself "will it be alright?"
The house move is impending, it really is. With it a solution to some financial burdens. A smaller home, smaller utility bills, less maintenance required and the opportunity to sell a car.
I am just waiting on an exchange date. And it can't come soon enough.
Tip runs have been a regular weekend feature, and a car boot sale too. Bit by bit we are clearing out old, unwanted stuff and getting ready to consolidate our belongings, finances and life.
In the meantime what I thought was an exciting work opportunity earlier in the year has become a rather unsatisfactory situation leaving me with a sinking heart and horrible feeling in the pit of my stomach on a Monday morning. I will deal with job situation once I have moved. One action, followed by a reaction. I can only deal with one event at a time. This is something I have learned over the recent years.
I am searching for that happy status quo that I think the house move may bring. I was building a reasonable communicative relationship with my x until recently. The house sale changed this status and I now endure increased emotional stress as I have to fight for every additional expense where the boys are concerned, and it is a battle I hate.
The strains and stresses are evident in my demeanour and behaviour towards the boys, and we are not in harmony and this affects me too.
But all these stresses, worries and concerns are about money, and try as I might I can't escape the depression it leaves me with.
