Monday - back to normality

The first Monday after the Christmas and New Year festivities is always difficult. Returning to the office, school and routine a shock to the system, although I know for some families an absolute relief.
I woke early and went for a run then did some core exercises in the garden, new year, new me and those extra kilos just aren't going to shift themselves. More importantly I feel the more I get out and run the easier I find it to deal or at least try to cope with other stuff.

We did go and view puppies on Saturday, and my heart didn't take over my head. I am so relieved. I didn't like the breeder, the home or the smell. The puppies were all asleep and looked like most four week old bundles of fur but the whole feeling around the dogs felt odd. Standing in a small airless kitchen with wet grown dogs leaping about and a breeder who seemed too focussed on money rather than where the puppies might actually be going, ensured my possible enthusiasm diminished quickly. The one bitch was sold under our noses and I had been keen on a bitch. However I did think that I might be caught in the moment and convince myself I wanted a male after all. But I didn't.

What next.

I should hear about my building application at the end of January, this will then determine the possible dog purchase. If it looks as if I have a long fight ahead, I think my focus and energy should be on that rather than a puppy.

As I packed away the Christmas decorations last night and popped the box into the roof I wrote three things down in the box before sealing it, and maybe  by the end of this year those three things will be answered.

Is life always full of questions and the unknown? According to lots of philosophical posts on Facebook over the new year it is. And we must enjoy the journey, live in the here and now, travel and floss daily, happy 2016!

Being the talk of the street!

It's good to be back here but for different reasons this time. I realise how cathartic it is to write thoughts and feelings down, especially when you feel surrounded by negativity. It releases them from inside and allows you to breathe more deeply.

And so here goes......

I woke early today; mind racing, heart pounding and with a whirling feeling in my tummy. It is a mixture of pure excitement and fear.

If you ever wondered what people truly think about you put a planning application in and wait!

Today the public consultation for the proposed house build in my rear garden closes. And now for the time being no more comments can be loaded on-line from the neighbours. The planning process will begin and the next stage of decisions and comment made. I am apprehensive and excited about the hopeful outcome but hadn't expected the neighbours comments to be so personal, emotive and hurtful. I knew that there would be comments but it feels as if some neighbours have vented years of frustration, and I am the most hated person on my street. The one aspect that has cut through me and I keep telling myself they have the issue not me, is the reference to my family, my life and my circumstances that people presume to know and understand.
I have kept myself pretty much to myself since living here, and perhaps that has appeared aloof to some but my goodness it matters not now, as many neighbours have shown their true colours and venom on-line and those comments cannot be retracted. I hope it made them feel better, and I will just hope that the rest of the planning process is less personal and more constructive.

And the other reason for waking suddenly in the early hours of the morning with my tummy churning, is the unadulterated excitement of going to visit some puppies today. I am not a person who thinks every household needs a pet, or indeed is something I have wanted until now. But for the last six months I have really wanted the companionship of a dog. I would love to run/walk with a dog daily and have a reason to get up and go out every morning. I do run, I do exercise outside lots but I would really enjoy having a little canine friend to share that with, and I never thought I would be saying that. I will openly admit the picking up of dog poo has been the one aspect that has held me back. I abhor dog owners who leave their dog shit for others to see, smell and walk in, and also realise picking up a big steaming poo in a plastic bag is gross, but if you want a dog you have to be in for the whole bit. I am ready, and poo bags a-go!

It is only the second day of January, and there is so much to think about. I am buzzing about this year and optimistic of what is will bring. I will have to build up my resilience and thick shell to take the tirade of comments, opinions and feelings and be strong. How easy it is to be hurtful and much harder to be controlled, gracious and forgiving. I will try.

Here's to 2016 and all that it brings, lets hope I can cope.