So this is Collaborative, apparently!

Seriously this is a letter I received Tuesday evening via email from my estranged husband's solicitor! Really helpful and well written, don't you think?

I am in the collaborative system so to receive this was absolutely unbelievable. Best bit when you sign up to Collaborative you aren't allowed to use any evidence produced during the collaborative process if then decide to go to court! It would therefore seem you can write really shitty letters to bully and intimidate in the knowledge they can't be used as evidence. Nice one Eileen!

		Our Ref
		Your Ref
		Our Email
		Your Email
Mr   xxxxxx Innovation Centre University Road Canterbury Kent CT2 7FG
		Direct Dial
		Web
			17 June 2014 (Dictated: 13 June)

By e-mail

 

 

Dear Nxxxxx

 

Our names

 

I write further to the above matter and understand that Lxxxx and DH have spoken directly.

 

DH tells me that Lxxx has stated that she is not prepared to accept his proposals and that he had to be prepared to negotiate. Sounds reasonable?

 

DH and I would be most obliged if you could confirm Lxxx position and whether indeed her position is as communicated to DH.  If DH proposals are rejected, then both Lxx and DH will need to give some thought as to whether the collaborative process can proceed in any way, or whether they now need to instruct alternative solicitors to negotiate, and issue, proceedings on their behalf. That's funny earlier you mentioned I tried to Negotiate but that was wrong!

 

Further, if matters cannot be agreed, Neil will need to reduce the level of global maintenance to £xxxx ( £500 less than currently!) with effect from the payment due in July. Oh I see, don't do as we say and you'll financially penalise me?

 

I anticipate that all parties involved do want to resolve the issues, but regrettably, it may well be that an impasse has been reached which simply cannot be overcome. Well I am trying to negotiate without endless expensive and badly written letters from awful solicitors.

 

DH and I would welcome your earliest attention. I'm trying to find a resolution but you have both really pissed me off with this letter!

 

Yours sincerely

 

 

A TRULY CRAP SOLICITOR!

For and on behalf of GX & CX

Rather sheepish

It has been quite a week as you may have realised from my recent blog entries.

This morning as I was about to leave home for the office the phone rang. It was DH ( estranged husband!).

The conversation went like this;

"Hello Lxx speaking"
"Hi it's me!"
"Yes"
"Are you working today?"
"Yes"
"As you know I am moving house today and I've been trying to sort out the transferal of my Broadband and now I'm off line and my toggle isn't working either on my laptop"
"Ummmm"
"Could I come to your house and work, as I need to work from home until 12pm today and I've no internet!"

Wow that is quite a request. My head is whirring. Is this the man that instructed his solicitor to send me such a horrid letter earlier in the week, doesn't answer texts regarding the children and wont negotiate?!

I surprise myself. I even feel a little pity because actually he is moving and as usual he isn't organised and it's all a bit pathetic.

"Yes you can. I am leaving for work in ten minutes and you can work on the kitchen table"
"Thank you"

Then I couldn't resist the opportunity....

"But we do need to sort out our financial agreement soon it can't go on like this."

"Yes but we can't agree!"

"We have a sticking point and we need to talk / negotiate!"

So DH is working from home, my home and maybe just maybe we will talk soon and sort this stupid, ridiculous situation out.

I continue to hope and believe we will. I don't think there is God of Divorce, he would be extremely busy and how would he guide so many souls to make the right decision?

Hope and Pray

Where do you go when the collaborative process seems to truly break down and you have paid thousands of pounds with no resolve?

You wait. You think. You pray, that a  resolution can be found and that sense will prevail.

For richer, for poorer in sickness and in health.

Well it's certainly costing lots and making me ill, so that's ok then!

If you visualise, imagine hard enough you really hope upon hope you can make something positive happen. I am trying. I am hoping that a middle ground can be found. A meeting point. A chance for us to move on.

Sometimes if I think about the situation I find myself in for too long, I panic. My heart races, I feel desperate, hemmed in, trapped and just want to run away. But I can't and I wont. So breathe deeply and think of the good things I have and calm myself.

Not one part of life is currently stable, certain. I am told the boys are going to be away for Christmas, a whole two weeks. I can't bare the thought. But when I have asked to see flight details I have been refused. Possibly because they don't exist. How can I make plans if I don't know if they will really be away. I secretly hope they wont be away, as Christmas is such a difficult time to be a part from your children, even when they drive you nuts on occasion. Christmas is a family time, I love it. The boys and I have rituals and after 16 years, I can't believe I wont be with them or near them for two weeks over the festive season. It makes me want to go away too. Somewhere where Christmas becomes insignificant and I wont miss them as much.

It would seem after all this time that selling the current family home is going to be the only way to settle the financial situation. Still nothing is agreed and so no timescales have been set. More uncertainty.

Work is going through some big changes, which is unsettling too. Fortunately with so much going on in my personal life I am not able to dwell on it too much. However at times I find it unsettling.
I am also due to start a course in October which is to be funded by work. However there is a disclaimer that if I leave the work place within two years I am liable to pay the course fee. A risk I don't want to take when the work environment is so uncertain, so do I start the course? Another unknown!

With the prospect of having to obtain a mortgage anytime in the near future, holding onto my current job is important for a mortgage application. So I must keep my head down and wait. Yet more waiting. Never has an impatient, control freak had to wait so much, for so many elements out of her control. I definitely deserve a gold star.

So I am praying like mad, hoping so hard that sense is going to prevail and DH will want to resolve this stale-mate soon and we can find a compromise, a solution and move forwards.
VISUALISE: IMAGINE: MAKE HAPPEN.

Soup's cooking

A small window of opportunity to write something in my blog after a long month, and yes the soup is cooking on the Aga!

I am currently suffocating in my life. Too many unknowns, loose ends, unsatisfactory meetings, letters with unrealistic demands, deals and proposals. Today I sat and re-read all the solicitors documentation, and actually in collaborative there isn't supposed to be any! DH's solicitor on a number of occasions, three in fact has written lengthy letters and delivered them via email. Each one is quite different and the offers have varied but still not acceptable.

I have been asking myself, why don't I just take what's been offered, but its such a crap deal. If I didn't have the boys I wouldn't care but they are an anchor, a commitment and sometimes a noose. Yes of course I love them but being totally responsible for their care is draining. Tripping over bags in hallways, dirty clothes littered across bedrooms, endless arguments over Playstation FIFA, constant delay and reluctance over chores just wares you down.

Is the system fair, I don't think so. Behind the scenes I am bombarded with horrible texts, unreliable monthly payments, failures to collect and look after the boys at any given time. Dwindling interest in seeing the boys in the week, disengagement with their lives. And then i hear he will now be renting a two bedroom flat, is that a father who is thinking of the well-being of his children? Or a man hell bent on being awkward and making everyone suffer?

I truly wonder why I ever married such a selfish man.