Todays ponders

This whole blog is self indulgent drivel about ME but it's saving me a fortune on counselling, I recommend it!

Todays revelations:

1. I hate Facebook, it can rock your world in an instant.
When you see a post and think " why wasn't I invited, I thought I was their friend!'

2. Working for yourself and from home is wonderful. You can suit yourself, enjoy planning your day around you and be flexible. Wrong. It's lonely, you constantly think you're not working enough, being productive and start to feel depressed (at least I do!) I need company, conversations and a team. But it is also made worse if No1. happens and you think I could have been there, I'm flexible.

3. Everyone sees you differently than you see yourself. I drag myself around and smile as much as I can but inside my stomach churns and I feel so low, my emotions are like a YoYo. Today has been mediocre, yesterday was good, who knows about tomorrow.
But everyone thinks I'm so happy but I'm not. Everyone thinks I can conquer everything but I am full of self doubt. But if you say that stuff people just float away because they don't know what to do with you or how to respond.

4. Fitness matters but when you're low you can't be bothered. Every time I don't go to a class I feel so cross afterwards but I can't always face the smiling people, although of course I smile too and try to look so happy. Then of course there is this fitness obsessed posse with their fitness goals and I'm not as fit as I want to be so I then hate myself a little bit more and wish I could get my act together.
Wow I'm a delight at the moment. Told you, self indulgent writing this.

5. You are never as badly off as you think. In Morrison's this afternoon I received just the tonic as I stood with my food items on the conveyor belt. As I waited in line for the cashier to finish serving the elderly gentleman in front, who was slow in paying, he then turned to me to offer me a voucher, which I was also unable to use. But I loved the interaction, the smiles and generosity of spirit. Behind me an elderly lady was placing her items on the belt, and I offered to move my items along to make more space. She said "Don't worry I have plenty of time, after all I leave here and go back to an empty home." We then proceeded to chat a little, laugh and smile about the weather and the fact I was wearing my sunglasses as the dog had chewed my other glasses! But the whole time I was struck by the idea she probably felt lonely a lot and emotionally low more than I do and actually my worries are manageable I just need to get my shit together.

6. I am so looking forward to my interview on Friday because I think when all said and done, I am so much better busy, really busy with no time to ponder, think or worry about any of the above.